


final breath that was drawn

by merrymegtargaryen



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: F/M, Sibling Incest, Starkcest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-01
Updated: 2019-05-01
Packaged: 2020-02-15 15:57:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,738
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18672871
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/merrymegtargaryen/pseuds/merrymegtargaryen
Summary: "Promise me, Ned.""I promise."





	final breath that was drawn

**Author's Note:**

> Ned and Lyanna being Jon's parents was a theory that I've liked for years now but haven't had the balls to write until now. 
> 
> For the title I fully used that Hozier lyric fic title generator and hoo boy am I gonna use that thing all the time now. 
> 
> Many thanks to ShipperOfTrashyShips for looking this over!

“Promise me, Ned,” she murmurs in the darkness of her room.

“I promise.” He slides into her, his groans mingled with hers. 

“We will never speak of this again.”

“Never,” he swears. “Just this once, Lya.”

Just this once, and then they will never speak of it again. It will be as if it never happened.

.

In the Vale, Robert drags Ned to see his little bastard girl. She’s a pretty thing, dark-haired and blue-eyed, just like her father. The mother watches from the doorway as Robert tosses her into the air, her lips a tight line.

Robert does not so much as glance at the mother when he hands back his daughter, marching happily to his horse. Ned glances back at the woman, and behind the cold mask on her face, he sees hurt in her eyes.

“You have no more interest in her?” Ned asks as they ride away.

“In Sheila? No. Women just aren’t the same after they’ve given birth, are they?”

Ned wouldn’t know. He’s only ever been with one woman, and he was the first man with whom she lay. 

“What happens when Lyanna gives birth to your first child? Will you abandon her?”

“Never,” Robert says proudly. “I love your sister. Girls like Sheila are sport, nothing more. Lyanna...Lyanna is going to be my wife.”

The thought fills Ned’s mouth with bile. Lyanna should be no man’s wife. She’s wild and free and deserves to remain so. 

When they reach the Eyrie, Jon Arryn comes out to meet them, his face stony. Ned is sure that they’re about to be scolded for some wrongdoing or other, some chore they forgot or prank they pulled.

What Jon says is much, much worse. 

“Rhaegar Targaryen...has taken your sister, Ned,” he says in a voice heavy with grief. 

It takes a long moment for Ned to understand. “He’s...taken her?”

“Kidnapped her, aye.”

“Why?” Robert asks, but Ned has a sick feeling. He knows why. It’s the same reason Rhaegar named her the Queen of Love and Beauty at the Tourney of Harrenhal last year. He wants her. 

And now he has her.

.

The news from the south only gets worse. Ned’s brother Brandon rides to King’s Landing to demand their sister back. Instead, Aerys kills him and their father and demands that Jon Arryn give up Ned and Robert as well. 

To give up his wards means certain death for them both, and because they are the closest thing he has to sons, he raises the banners against House Targaryen.

Robert’s Rebellion, they call it, for Robert trying to win back his bride.

_ She isn’t even his bride, _ Ned thinks bitterly.  _ She is my sister. _

_ My sister, and once my lover.  _

Some part of him fears that the gods are punishing him. He lay with his sister, and now she has been taken. What has Rhaegar done to her? What will he do to her? Will Ned ever see her again?

He prays at every godswood they pass.  _ Please, _ he begs,  _ please let me see her again. _

.

In place of his brother Brandon, Ned marries Hoster Tully’s eldest daughter, Catelyn. Jon Arryn weds her younger sister, Lysa, in the same ceremony. Their wedding night is awkward and fumbling; there is no passion between these two strangers, no intimacy, no love. He does his duty and then lies beside her, breathing hard.

“Did I...please you?” she asks timidly.

He wants to cry. “Yes, my lady,” he hastens to assure her. 

She lays a lily-white hand on his arm. “I pray your seed will quicken into a strong and healthy son.”

He kisses her hand, forcing a smile at her. She glows under the attention and settles into the pillows. She falls asleep in moments, but Ned lies awake for hours, thinking of a different time with a different woman.

.

.

Robert kills Rhaegar on the Trident, scattering rubies everywhere. It is a victory that will be the stuff of songs for years to come. Robert Baratheon slew the mighty dragon prince to avenge his lady love. They say that Rhaegar died with Lyanna’s name on his lips.

Ned spits when he hears this.

He hopes to find his sister in King’s Landing, imprisoned but unharmed by Rhaegar and Aerys, but he has no such luck. It is only Aerys, Rhaegar’s spurned wife, Elia Martell, and their small children. The Lannister men kill all of them and present them to Robert and Lord Tywin. 

There is no trace of Lyanna anywhere.

Ned goes to the Red Keep’s godswood; a pathetic attempt at such. There is no weirwood tree here, only a great oak covered in smokeberry vines. Still, Ned sits before the tree and prays.

_ Please, _ he begs the gods again.  _ Please let me see her again _ .

The gods have a funny way of answering prayers.

.

They learn that Lyanna is being kept in the Red Mountains in Dorne, hidden away in a tower. Ned leads a few men loyal to him to the Red Mountains, determined to find his sister.

When they reach the tower, they find three Kingsguard defending it: Ser Oswell Whent, Ser Gerold Hightower, and the Sword of the Morning, Ser Arthur Dayne. They have sworn to lay down their lives for the crown if it comes to that.

It does come to that.

Rhaegar is dead, Aerys is dead, Queen Rhaella and Prince Viserys fled into exile. There is no reason the Kingsguard should be here. 

_ Unless a member of the royal family is inside this tower. _

Ned does not let himself think about it as he fights. All of his men save one fall around him, and just as Ser Arthur Dayne, the last Kingsguard standing, makes to lunge, Howland Reed stabs him in the back. A dishonorable move, but an effective one, for it leaves Ned alive. 

He has no time to thank his friend, for he hears Lyanna’s cries from upstairs. He runs, thinking only of his sister.

What he finds is worse than he imagined.

The room reeks of blood. Lyanna is lying in a bed of it, her nightdress stained a deep crimson. Her face is pale and sweating, but she smiles when she sees him. 

“Ned?” she whispers. 

“Lyanna…”

He comes to her at once, unable to help looking at her stomach. He’s never seen a woman give birth before, but he can think of no other reason for the roundness of her belly and the blood everywhere.

_ Lyanna’s given birth? _

“Is that you?” Her bloody hand raises feebly from her side. “Is that really you?” She smiles when he takes her hand, his other hand caressing her forehead. “You’re not a dream?”

“No, I’m not a dream,” he says softly, smiling back at her.

Lyanna, the sister he loves, the only woman he’s ever really loved. Here she is, at last, back in his arms. 

“I’m here,” he tells her. “Right here.”

“I’ve missed you, big brother.”

“I’ve missed you too.” His throat becomes thick with emotion, the words sticking inside him. 

A spasm of pain passes through her; tears well in her eyes. “I want to be brave,” she sobs.

“You are!”

“I’m not.” 

He looks at the blood around her. She’s lost too much. He’s seen enough on the battlefield to know. 

“I don’t want to die.”

“You’re not going to die,” he lies. Eddard Stark never lies, but when it comes to Lyanna...well, he’s always loved her more than his honor. He turns to the maids standing in the back, eyes averted. “Get her some water!”

“No, listen to me--”

“Is there a maester?”

_ “Listen _ to me, Ned,” she pleads, and he turns his eyes back to her. She sits up, pressing her lips to his ear. “He’s yours,” she whispers so that only he can hear. “Rhaegar thinks he’s his, but I know better.”

_ He’s yours. _

“You have to protect him,” she continues, her voice cracking. “Promise me, Ned. Promise me.”

One of the maids comes forward, and Ned sees now that there’s a babe in her arms. She gives the squalling child to him.

“Promise me, Ned,” Lyanna begs again.

Ned looks down into the face of his son.

_ His son. _

Their son, conceived during a lapse of honor.  _ Conceived in love. _

“Promise me,” Lyanna whispers again. 

The babe opens his eyes and looks up at his father.

_ My son. _

“I will,” Ned swears, trembling as he looks at the babe in his arms. 

She roots around for his hand. “Promise me, Ned.”

“I promise.” 

Lyanna’s eyes close, and the babe’s cries fill the room.

.

When he returns to King’s Landing, he delivers the news of Lyanna’s death to Robert. He’d had her bones sent home to Winterfell, to be buried with their grandfathers. Only Kings in the North and later the Lords of Winterfell are buried in the crypts, but Ned makes an exception for Lyanna. 

When Robert’s rage has left him, he asks about the babe and the wet-nurse Ned brought back with him.

“He’s mine,” Ned says, wishing he could sound prouder. In truth, he is ashamed.

It must show, for Robert takes him by the shoulders. “Your honor will be the death of you, Ned. You and your bride barely know each other; no one can blame you for taking comfort in another woman’s arms during the war.”

_ Aye, but they can blame me for lying with my sister. _

When Ned keeps looking at his feet, Robert adds, “You’re a good man, Ned, truly.”

Ned only wishes it were true.

.

When Ned returns to Riverrun, it’s to find that his lady wife has been delivered of a son.

“I named him Robb,” she says, proudly displaying their child. “For the king.”

Ned can hardly believe it. Two sons born at the same time. 

“The maester says he is strong,” she adds, peering at him.

Realizing he is expected to reply, he bows his head and says, “I am pleased.” And he is. Who doesn’t want a strong, healthy son?

She smiles at him--and then catches sight of the wet-nurse and the babe in her arms. “Whose baby is with you?” she asks.

Ned glances back at the child and tries not to let his shame show. “Mine. His name is Jon.” Jon for Jon Arryn, the man who had risked his life to save Ned’s. Lyanna would like that.

Catelyn’s face cracks open with hurt, and just as suddenly hardens. “I see,” she says icily, sounding far older than her years.

She strides into Riverrun with Robb, leaving Ned alone with his shame.

.

Returning to Winterfell is a mistake.

Everywhere are ghosts--Brandon, Father, Lyanna. Always Lyanna. He can hear their laughter in the yard, can see their shapes in the corner of his eye. One night he falls asleep in his chair and swears he smells the blue roses of which Lyanna was so fond.

It doesn’t help that his lady wife is angry with him. She has not forgiven him for bringing Jon home, to  _ their _ home, and making him share the nursery with Robb. She sees it as a slight, putting his bastard boy in the same room as their trueborn one. She thinks Jon is the son of a commoner. A lowborn woman with no honor.

_ If you only knew, Catelyn. His mother was a lady. A princess. The Queen of Love and Beauty. _

.

Catelyn asks him one day if the mother was Ashara Dayne.

It would be an easy lie. He had gone to Starfall after killing Arthur Dayne, to return his sword to his sister. She had wept hysterically, and after he left, she’d thrown herself from her tower. There were rumors that she’d lost a child and it had driven her to madness. She’s dead now, and her body has never been found.

Ned could say that Jon is her son. Who would know? Who would say otherwise? Ashara is dead. At least then they would know Jon is the son of a highborn lady, not a commoner as they all think.

But Ned could never tell such a dishonorable lie. Ashara Dayne was a good lady, and her grief was for her brother, not for a child. It would be a disservice to her memory to claim her as the mother of his child. 

_ But how can I ever tell Catelyn the truth? _

Instead, he forbids her to speak Ashara’s name again, and does the same to the household servants. Let them say what they will about him, but never let them speak ill of a good and noble lady.

.

Robb inherits his mother’s red hair and blue eyes, looking all Tully and hardly any Stark.

Jon is every inch a Stark, with black hair and grey eyes. Everyone comments that he looks like Ned, but Ned thinks he looks just like Lyanna. 

_ How can they not see it? _ he wonders.  _ How can they not see the truth that is right before them? _

.

Benjen knows.

Ned doesn’t know how he knows, but he does. He can see it in Benjen’s eyes, the way he looks from Ned to Jon to Ned to Jon again.

One morning, when the two brothers take their daily ride, Benjen reins in his horse. Ned does the same, waiting patiently for his brother to speak.

“Jon looks like Lyanna,” Benjen says, watching him carefully.

Ned makes his face a mask of stone, turning his eyes to the horizon. “He does at that.”

“You never did tell me who his mother is.”

“Nor will I.”

Benjen is quiet for a long moment. When he speaks, it surprises Ned. “I’m going to take the black.”

He glances at his younger brother. “You are?”

Benjen nods. “I am.”

“May I ask why?”

Benjen’s eyes flit to the horizon now. “Too many ghosts at Winterfell. Father, Brandon...Lyanna. All that’s left now is you. And you…” He shakes his head. “I love you, Ned. I always have. But if what I suspect is true, I don’t think I can live with you anymore. Every time I see him, I think of her. And every time I see you…” He shakes his head. “I remember that she’s dead.”

Ned’s heart hangs heavy in his chest. “I would give anything to bring her back.”

“I know. But you can’t.” Benjen digs his heels into his horse and takes off.

Ned doesn’t chase after him.

.

Benjen rides north and takes the black. Sometimes he comes back to visit, always to see his new nieces and nephews. Sansa, Bran, Arya, and little Rickon. He comes to visit, too, when Robert and his family ride north to offer Ned Hand of the King.

Ned does not want to accept it. He wants to stay in Winterfell with his family, with the wife who loves him, with the children for whom he would do anything. 

But he swore to serve Robert, and serve him he must. 

.

Jon decides to follow Benjen up north and take the black. Truth be told, Ned is relieved to hear it. Jon will find honor in the Night’s Watch, and Catelyn may finally rest easy without his presence. 

_ I will rest easy, too. _

When Robert and his entourage make for the Kingsroad, Jon and Benjen ride with them. Where the roads meet, the king and his men ride south, Jon and Benjen, north. 

“It’s a great honor, serving in the Night’s Watch,” Ned tells his son before they part. “The Starks have manned the Wall for thousands of years. And you are a Stark. You may not have my name, but you have my blood.”

Jon looks away and asks the question Ned has always feared he’d ask. “Is my mother alive? Does she know about me, where I am, where I’m going? Does she care?”

Ned looks at his son. He has always wanted to protect Jon, above all, from the truth. Jon should never have to know what sins his parents committed. And yet...it must be killing him, not knowing.

_ Can I speak of Lyanna without naming her? Can I tell him about the woman I loved while making her sound like a stranger? Can I ever tell my boy, our sweet, sweet boy, how dearly we loved each other? _

“The next time we see each other,” he says carefully, “we’ll talk about your mother.” 

_ Promise me, Ned. _

“I promise.”

  
  



End file.
